Have you ever wonder, when you meet someone that you already knew before, new person or just a random person it must be for some reason. Maybe you wont realized it at the beginning but then you will realized it at the end or during the process. I reflect to my self, I think of people whom I met till today...somehow they remind me, thought me of something, about this life and myself.

The other thing that I like to do is...while waiting for something I like to observe ppl, for example on the train on the way to go to work or come back from work or a long waiting for a flight at the airport. The most interesting part for me is airport, although I know some of the people hate waiting at the airport but to be frank I am enjoying it. There is a farewell, there is a welcoming, people hug to each other, Sitting in an outdoor cafe in one of the afternoon having a cup of tea and cake also nice, in my hometown I often do this, the atmosphere is nice, weather is just perfect 15-22 celcius, a bit windy, people are friendly. Observe ppl, try to go inside their mind, try to guess what they have in their mind, why they like the dress, shoes, scarf that they are wearing, what kind of business that they are doing, what kind of business meeting they will attend, people with suits cases, suits, classy, the backpackers, where are they heading...etc...it is nice.

...

I am sitting in my chair, trying to understand whats going on with my present life. I thought I mature enough in my age, but I think I am not. Nothing to regret no one to be blame. Just the way it is. It's hard for me to focus on something particular for the past 8 months, almost all new for me, living alone and have to decide almost everything by myself. Can't complaint can't run away, the only way is to face it and fight, focus on the solution and survive. I am sure this could be a lesson for me to take my next step, next challenges.

It will be selfish to only think about myself myself and myself again. I know someone else also feel the same thing for the pain that I feel right now. It wont be fare if I am complaining and waining all the time. It just make the things worse for us.

Another thing that I have in my mind is about dreams and reality.Like I often say " I am living my dreams" and I keep on dreaming, but then it comes to reality when you have to stand in your own feet. This is the hardest part. Now is the the time to live the present, not even one second u can change something in the past, I don't have the power to do it so it will be useless. What I got is the lesson from the past as a reminder for the future.

What I want to do now is just make myself become 'richer' and 'stronger' , then I am sure the wind itself will bring us together again, when we both are ready.

I still feel it, I can't lie - its hard and it's pain
But that what makes me feel alive...

I am grateful I am grateful and feel no regret... just the wound is so deep and it needs time to heal but I am grateful
because its worth it

no regret

It's me again...

I just got back from 6 months of " Holiday ". A lot of things happened since my last blogging post. First, I didnt update it because there was a problem with my account and seems I'm too lazy to create a new one. Secondly, whew you will never imagine what kind of life changing experience that I've been through, well at least in the stage of my life now 24 years old. Im sure some of you have been experience this and some of you might not, well just be ready "no body said it would be easy but they said it would be worth it at the end"

Here is my updates for the past 6 months:
SEPTEMBER 2007 : moving out - finally I have my own place. Have a COOL housemates ever! Pavlina and Migz!
The point where finally I could say " I FEEL GOOD" (song by James Brown) in one night inside a cab on the way to Jazz concert and I can say this is the point where I finally can not running away anymore from my own feeling towards something that actually beautiful but I ignore it for years.

OCTOBER 2007 : I realized I lost my weight for almost 5kg since I arrived in KL. Well I dont know should I be happy or not :S

DECEMBER 2007 : Most of my family are Christian-Xmass is not something new for me but this year I had Xmass dinner with people which stay in KL off course who are far away from their home country. I went for Xmass dinner with some other interns in Kat's place. It was nice I can feel the atmosphere, Mia also there with Janne. Xmass is so relaxing. What made my Xmass memorable is I got a Xmass present wrapped in a blue towel and red seal tape (?^##). It is a moose from Aaron, I asked him to give a name to that Moose which sound very Canadian, well finally we named it 'Doug'. Flic, yeah she was still here in KL when we celebrate Xmass. To be honest I am enjoying my self blended in the Xmass atmhosphere especially together with Aaron. One thing that balso happened with my housemate, Pavla - her hometown is in checzh republic so she has Xmass dinner with her family over a web cam and also they cooked together over the webcame :) Hmm Im thinking about the technology these days, where the world become flat and distance not an obstacle anymore, but I dont know about relationship errr well better not to talk about that here :P ( Wind please have a deal with me!)

JANUARY 2008: New Year EVE!!! I have a memorable new year's eve. Where fireworks above my head all over the sky exactly at 12 Midnight :) Celebrate it with someone that I really care about and with people who I closed to, at this point I even didn’t feel miss home although it just 2 hours by flight and I can go back home anytime I want. But then I was thinking whats the point?! my life changing experience just begun.

My first trip to Bangkok whew!!! I am just curious what Bangkok looks like. I went there with Aaron, my buddy, my sparing partner eh?, my enemy, my best friend, and ... well we will see where the wind blow us at the end :) Any way, we had a great time, visiting temples, museums, and some other touristy places. Me and Aaron have a common in liking food so much, that when we actually get relate to each other most of the time hehe... BUG's yeah I got my first BUG's for dinner in Bangkok at Khaosan rd. It was great you might want to check the video in Aaron's food blog: BUG's!!! video We also have this crazy ideas to visit a forensic museums, yes thats right place where you can see a real dead body! babies, fetus, a brain which has a hole in the middle of it caused by a gun shoot! it was crazy ...!!!

FEBRUARY 2008: Work its going pretty good, although it's not that perfectly OK but I give my best in what I am doing well at least I try. A lot of challenges but thats the way it is and I keep pushing my self to face it instead of running away, it's not solve anything by the way. My mum always said, just face it, then when you face it thats is the time when you actually defeat your own fear and growing. In this month as well I decide to go back home to visit my mum and sister and some other friends. Aaron joined me as well. We had a great time, relaxing and a bit of crazy time esp for Aaron, but we managed at the end. Pavla is back to her home country, I kinda miss her badly just imagine for the past 6 months we staying in the same condo: we laughs together, we cries together, we cook together, we swin together, we work together, even we found the precious one almost in the same time. The most important thing I value her so much because she can become herself, although she is also having a tough time, but then she can survive and I'm sure she is still living the time of her life. :)

MARCH 2008: Met Pathik - Old AIESECers friend whom I met 2005 in IC India, when u will never know. We met again in KL-Malaysia. Another travelling, me and Aaron we went to Singapore. I want to visit Made after we met in Bangkok last January, and this is the first time for Aaron. We again had a great time. Singapore is a fine country thats true.A lot of things happened to me within this months and I can say this is where I get a lot of 'wave' hit me in the same time. I know its hard, its tuff, its make you feel tired although you didn't do anything physically but its dragging your mind ur energy. I felt can't breathe for most of the time. My own personal life, my internship, my life in KL and my family back home. its WHOW!!! I also failed to move to Europe faster than what I dreamed off. I cannot tell you the details I prefer to put it inside my heart as a reflection material for my self. What I can tell is "no one said it would be easy but they said it would be worth it " and that's true. My life changing experience happening especially this month. How sometimes we are in out comfort zones and we do not get out of them because of fear and of our tendency to compare our lives with others. I like to compete and I hate losing. In the end, I end being too pressured and didn't achieve anything. Just imagine where you feel you want to laugh and cry in the same time, all my feeling are mix up and realized nothing you can do except pray and being relax, then find a solution. Sea whale said' it's not worth worrying that much - if you dont know the solution just chill let it be" and I borrowed Pavla's words "wat to do " :P. Surrounded with people that I really value and close to my heart bring me to certain level of my personal development, especially with the one that closest to my heart, I learn how to become less organized means more chill and relax, do spontaneous things, doing crazy things, value my personal time, get mingle with people, not to worried to much, I finally can cook my own chili - amazing!, I learn to think more realistic and the most important thing I become myself and living my present without worrying to much about what gonna happen next. It's not easy I admit that since I kinda long term thinker person and quite ambitious, well it takes time and will, especially when the closest one is not around you physically, but I realized still living inside of my heart, so what to worried :) somehow I feel happier...Thanks Aaron, I took the whole package and I won't complaint. I didn't regret it.

I realized it's very important that you get in touch with people, family, friends and share with people, by knowing their stories you will never feel being alone, you will easily to learn something and you will be grateful and not waste your time of ur life. I am so grateful that I have this experience all together, up side down.

now I'm completely awake AWAKE! and ready to move on and negotiate with the wind...

focusing on the present to get a better future...