My life is like a roller coaster...full of excitements, playing around with adrenalin, facing challenges, taking the risks, ready to fall, ready to fly, ready to feel pain, sometimes on the top sometimes is on the bottom or sometimes it just hanging, sometimes it full of laughs, sometimes it full of tears, sometimes it full of smiles ...

can you imagine if I put those possibilities in colors?

How colorful my life is :) here... I am grateful...life is a matter of making choices...all about choices and playing around with those colors.

I cannot live with only one color ... I want to become colorful :)

I value my self because I was born into this world
I value my self because I raised with 2 Amazing parents
I value my self because I have a unique sister
I value my self because I have a big families
I value my self because I have wonderful friends
I value my self because I met great people
I value my self because I met Aaron
I value my self because I know I can do something
I value my self because I am grateful for this life and what I have

...Sea Whale... o Sea Whale... AOOOuuu Aooouuu

I am sunflower - the Sun could be - what I believe, my faith, my dreams, or God.

Sunflowers

Sunflowers are the happiest of flowers, and their meanings include loyalty and longevity. They are unique in their ability to provide energy in the form of nourishment and vibrancy, an attribute which mirrors the sun and the energy provided by its heat and light.

Meanings of Sunflowers
No flower can lift spirits quite like sunflowers can. Bright and cheery, bold yet comfortable, the sunflower is a warm and caring gift. With brilliant yellow petals that surround the flower's center, sunflowers have an unmistakable sun-like appearance that has made them a passionate flower choice for many. Sunflowers come in a number of varieties, ranging from small to large and from daylight yellows to sunset reds.

Much of the meaning of sunflowers stems from its namesake, the sun itself. Wild sunflowers are often photographed with their tall stalks and bright petals stretched towards the sun. This unique behavior, known as photo tropism, is a motif that has appeared in many ancient myths and is viewed as a symbol of loyalty and constancy. Their physical resemblance to the sun has also influenced their meanings. The sunflower's petals have been likened to bright yellow rays of sunshine, which evoke feelings of warmth and happiness. In addition, the sunflower is often associated with adoration and longevity.

For a flower which reflects so many of the sun's positive characteristics, it is little surprise that people enjoy basking in the sunflower's warming glow. With the sense of brightness and warmth that sunflowers naturally impart, they have become an ideal choice for sending sentiments of cheerfulness and sunny thoughts...

Sunflower is my favorite flower among all.

source: proflowers.

Tick Tock...

I can say things keep happening in my side. Today I received a reply of an email that I sent to one woman that I admire. Her name is Mrs. Lata. We met last year during one of the youth conference that I attended in KL. I still remember her cleary...she is a housewife, a professor, activist and a mother. We share a lot during the conference. I emailed her and she is still remember me...the answer when I asked her if she still remember me or not is this...

dear tya,
of course I remember you very well. you impressed me with you confidence and values.I am glad to know that you are working and busy...

That sentence just hitted me... I thought she is talking about someone else but then I reflect...I feel I am losing my self-confidence for the past months, I forget my values-what I believe in, perhaps I even don't recognize myself anymore, with all the frustation that happened without I even realized it.

So where is Tya that she knew? Well I guess that answer is with me...

I think I'm having a transformation at the moment...

Have you ever wonder, when you meet someone that you already knew before, new person or just a random person it must be for some reason. Maybe you wont realized it at the beginning but then you will realized it at the end or during the process. I reflect to my self, I think of people whom I met till today...somehow they remind me, thought me of something, about this life and myself.

The other thing that I like to do is...while waiting for something I like to observe ppl, for example on the train on the way to go to work or come back from work or a long waiting for a flight at the airport. The most interesting part for me is airport, although I know some of the people hate waiting at the airport but to be frank I am enjoying it. There is a farewell, there is a welcoming, people hug to each other, Sitting in an outdoor cafe in one of the afternoon having a cup of tea and cake also nice, in my hometown I often do this, the atmosphere is nice, weather is just perfect 15-22 celcius, a bit windy, people are friendly. Observe ppl, try to go inside their mind, try to guess what they have in their mind, why they like the dress, shoes, scarf that they are wearing, what kind of business that they are doing, what kind of business meeting they will attend, people with suits cases, suits, classy, the backpackers, where are they heading...etc...it is nice.

...

I am sitting in my chair, trying to understand whats going on with my present life. I thought I mature enough in my age, but I think I am not. Nothing to regret no one to be blame. Just the way it is. It's hard for me to focus on something particular for the past 8 months, almost all new for me, living alone and have to decide almost everything by myself. Can't complaint can't run away, the only way is to face it and fight, focus on the solution and survive. I am sure this could be a lesson for me to take my next step, next challenges.

It will be selfish to only think about myself myself and myself again. I know someone else also feel the same thing for the pain that I feel right now. It wont be fare if I am complaining and waining all the time. It just make the things worse for us.

Another thing that I have in my mind is about dreams and reality.Like I often say " I am living my dreams" and I keep on dreaming, but then it comes to reality when you have to stand in your own feet. This is the hardest part. Now is the the time to live the present, not even one second u can change something in the past, I don't have the power to do it so it will be useless. What I got is the lesson from the past as a reminder for the future.

What I want to do now is just make myself become 'richer' and 'stronger' , then I am sure the wind itself will bring us together again, when we both are ready.

I still feel it, I can't lie - its hard and it's pain
But that what makes me feel alive...

I am grateful I am grateful and feel no regret... just the wound is so deep and it needs time to heal but I am grateful
because its worth it

no regret